Wednesday, March 24, 2010

When the monster roars, I run....

Back again and really, really gonna try to blog regularly. Many people ask us why we run and most of us run for different reasons but we all understand why. Here is a recent and recurring situation and an insight as to why I run.

As I hung up the phone, my blood pressure began to boil, my fists tightened, my jaw clamped and my body felt tight. My head ached and I felt alone. Just another complicated problem and no one to turn to for help. Yea, my friends and family were there for emotional support and anything else, but the real solutions had to come from me and me alone. I knew what I had to do. I changed my clothes and laced up the running shoes.

I headed out and the dogs followed. I took off fast and hard in an attempt to outrun that monster that was once again after me. I tried hard not to let it happen again, but I failed. The tears welled up and sputtered out, running back towards my ears as I sped along. I ran until I couldn't anymore. I stopped, bent over and placed my hands upon my knees. My heart pounded, my breathing was fast and my head was dizzy. I stood up and glanced ahead, only to find the tears blurred my vision. I began to walk and then run again, this time a little slower. My feet were heavy, my legs were weak, my mouth was dry, my heart was was tight and my breathing was labored. I just ran.

Thoughts began to run through my mind and I felt powerless over my life. What is happening? Why? Each and every problem began to surface in my mind. Somehow I convinced myself that everyone faces these problems. But I began to realize that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong. But really, what did it matter what others face. I alone face these that lie in front of me. Then one by one, they showed their ugly faces and I confronted them. I tossed some aside and I felt some were doable and others could be micromanaged. My head throbbed but my heart loosened a bit. I began to see my problems as challenges. Challenges I could concur. The solutions began to develop. I began to feel better. My fists were gone, my blood had cooled, my jaw was relaxed, my head cleared and my heart felt strong. My pace was steady and my breathing was easy. I felt a release, a release of negative energy. I was done running away. I turned around.

Somehow I knew I could conquer each of these issues and action plans for each began to take shape. I got excited. My pace quickened. My feet were light, my legs were strong and my body was in sink. The air was cool and fresh and blew gently across my face. My engines were cooled. Somehow, I felt a sense of desire. A desire to conquer it all. To prove myself. To show them I was not weak and I could not be defeated. My run had purpose. The end was near and I turned it up a notch and finished strong just like I always do. Burn the legs, labor the lungs and feel the pain; it makes you stronger. Strength is what I need. Strength is what I felt. I was empowered. I was in control. I was happy. I was high.

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